My Prayer
Dear Lord,
How’s it going? Sorry to bother you, I know we talk five times a day, but this is kind of a special crisis. You see things are getting more bizarre in Marion County. I’m not talking the usual bar in the government building weird, or the school district employee who plans to double-dip as center township assessor, but really weird. You see we have this coroner Ken Ackles, you may have seen some of his handiwork lately. And the coroner’s made this new hire; her name is Dr. Joye Carter.
She seems like a nice lady. She’ll be the new contractual pathologist. I know I shouldn’t bother you with this, with your son’s birthday coming up, but once she comes on board, could you pay a little extra attention to the Marion County coroner’s office. I’m asking this because once she got her Indiana license, it just made me think of her testifying on the witness stand in a murder trial and what the defense attorneys are going to do to her. I saw some of my defense attorney friends salivating on their way to the Legal Beagle to buy a round of shots because they can’t wait to get her on the stand.
I mean look at her record. In 2001, the Texas State Board of Medical Examiners fined Dr. Carter and she nearly lost her license for allowing an unlicensed pathologist to perform autopsies. In addition, in 1998 her office was accused of tampering with evidence in the connection of the trial of murder of a 12-year old girl. That same year, workers in her office admitted angry employees stacked bodies on top of each other in the morgue in violation office policy. And in 2000, a federal jury awarded an employee $250,000 for wrongful discharge for exposing illegal activity in the medial examiner’s office. I won’t even start with the Enron deal. This can’t be good.
So Lord, if you love me, please do the following. If I die, and based on what I’ve written on my blogs about some local elected officials lately, that might be happening sooner than later, please don’t let there be enough of me left for the Coroner to do an autopsy. And please give County Prosecutor Carl Brizzi the strength to plea bargain my case so Dr. Carter doesn’t have to take the stand and my defense attorney friends can go after her like a Katrina refugee goes after free housing. Of course, you could solve this problem by letting me die the way I always wanted to, being shot at the top of the Eiffel Tower by a super model’s jealous husband. If you do that, I promise not to complain about the cold weather anymore. And yes, I realize the last time I spoke to you about it you told me to enjoy it while I could, because if things didn’t change I’d be begging for it in about 60 years.
Amen.
P.S. The test results came back negative, thanks!
