Loading ...TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED IN THE WILDERNESS
Despite my best efforts, my significant other and I made it back from the wilderness in one piece. Now granted, I will admit that as I headed south I was expecting something out of the “The Hills Have Eyes, but no Teeth.” Fortunately, I was wrong. I met really nice people and in fact, not only did I have a good time, overall, I learned a few things. Here they are.
10. Rubbing sticks together won’t help you light your cigar.
9. Godiva chocolate is good for smores, but it melts over an open flame.
8. No matter what the signs say, everything is at least 30 minutes away from where you are.
7. True irony is when your cabin is adjacent to a petting zoo and the donkeys keep you up all night making noise. Although I’m not sure which one was for Clinton and which one Obama.
6. When you are in the woods, you cannot complain about the insects. They were there first.
5. If you find a cell phone signal, don’t move an inch or you will lose and miss out on information regarding Jill Long Thompson’s search for a Lt. Governor and Republican in-fighting over the nomination of a candidate for Attorney General.
4. If you pick a cabin with a hot tub, never criticize your significant other’s driving skills on country roads, because you will never get to use it.
3. They call it poison ivy for a reason.
2. It makes no sense to spend $100 on Land’s End hiking boots if you’re not going to use them because the trail is muddy from last night’s rain.
1. Black people do make it back from the woods.
By the way, I saw the best sign ever on a little church on SR 37, “Count Your Blessings, Not Your Problems.” I agree wholeheartedly.
June 1st, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Next you’ll be overhauling carburetors, skinning deer, dipping Skoal, going to see George Jones at the Orpry House. Won’t need than Gol Dang H.M.S. Pinheadfore. Yee-Haw.
June 1st, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Heh heh. Glad you’re back in one piece.
June 1st, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Glad to hear you survived Abdul, welcome back.
June 1st, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Now for next time, real camping is done with a tent, not a cabin.
June 1st, 2008 at 7:08 pm
A cabin? In the “wilderness”? Come on - go rough & tumble with a tent.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:37 am
A tent in the wilderness? Thats what they make bed rolls for.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:39 am
C’mon everybody. Baby steps here.
Next time Hershey’s for the S’mores, no air conditioning, just a little bit at a time.
;)
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:04 am
Abdul,
Camp in Wyoming. You are not the top of the food chain out there and the grizzly loves cigar smoke.
And yes, you won’t come back from the woods for sure.
flipper
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:25 am
A cabin? With a hot tub? Dude, that’s not ‘the wilderness’ that’s a hotel with trees.
Here I was all proud of you for finally overcoming your fear of camping all weekend, to find out you stayed in a rural Motel 6??
Abdul… get a tent and man up!
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
I’m working towards my Eagle Scout and I think there are few things are relaxing as spending time outdoors.
Regarding #10 , it’s much more complicated than rubbing sticks together. Basically you have a 2 x 4 on the ground with a little foil piece under it, and little notched holes along the edge. Then you have a strung bow, a spindle (About 1 inch diameter, 1 foot long) and a “thunderhead” which is the butt end of a log.
You string the spindle in the bow, then put the thunderhead on top the spindle to keep in in place. You start pulling the bow back and forth on the 2 x 4, which makes the spindle rotate really fast.
Eventually you’ll make a little hole in the 2 x 4 and a bunch of black stuff will start building up there. Eventually you’ll spark and the spark will fall down to the foil. Then you put the spark in a “birds nest” (Unraveled rope) and get it burning.
Fire.
Sorry, I love talking about it.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
RE: 1
I’ve been making it back from the woods for about a decade amigo, in a tent the first few years before graduating to a camper (pop-up at first, and now a toy-hauler).
Add this to your list: when the fire is nothing but hot coals and everyone has turned in for the night, it’s one of life’s treasures to sit out in the country and marvel at the “show” provided by a clear night sky filled with stars.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Hey Michael, you sound like a Firecrafter, since that’s how they make fire. Friendship, leadership, and service. Go get wood!
Local Lawyer xxx
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
oh, given the hot tub, I suspect there was a tent involved! A trouser tent!!!!